My story

Well this is the story of who I am and what I’ve been through. As a young kid I wasn’t the prettiest, I wasn’t the smartest, I wasn’t the MOST popular, but I was definitely among them. I was a smart, insecure and liked girl in my class. As maybe a lot of you know, often it is the prettiest who is the most popular! I was the sidekick, the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend – I was not fat though).

Well I started at the school (I moved from another school) in 2004, and I was excited! The first school I went to wasn’t the best – I was bullied to: told my freckles wasn’t pretty, wasn’t allowed to play with some of the others from my class, every time we played on bikes – I had to be the one who was driving them. I never felt like I was accepted – as other than the DUFF (which I just realized… wauw….).

So I moved to another school – in hope of finding actual friends. I remember the first day. I was excited, yet very nervous! Everything was different, new. Walking in to the classroom after summerbreak, I was shaking. What if nothing here was different? What if it is just like the other school? What if there is something wrong with me?
But i walked into the classroom, was told to stand up and introduce myself. So I stood up, shaking, and said: “Hey, my names is Anna, and I am 9 years old”. And then I quickly sat down again. It felt like I had to stand up for hours, everyones eyes was looking right at me. I was happy to se some familiar faces, but I din’t know them that well.

The first week was good, I remember I became very good friends with a girl from my class, we really had a blast. But then the first week was over, and her best friend came back from vacation – and I was alone! All alone at a new school… It is still hard for me to write/talk about (sitting her with tears in my eyes, still feeling the same things 9-year old me was feeling). I was terrified! I can’t really remember that much from the following 2 years – except I wasn’t happy, I had no friends.

2 years had past and a friend of mine started in my class – I was so happy, to finally have a friend. I really thought everything would be great! And don’t get me wrong it was…. a couple of months. And then she found other friends.
But it was thees couple of months, that changes the way I look at myself and who I am.

She moved to Denmark from Asia, and we started to hang out – bake cakes, jump on the trampoline and so on. In school she and I hung out with 2 guys. We had so much fun, until a joke went to far.

I don’t remember how it started, but the they started saying I was fat, everything the would walk past me, they would walk 2 meters beside me, throwing themself into the wall – because I was so fat. I wasn’t fat, I was thin – but something changed inside of me. I they had just told the joke ones – I could have handled it. But I went on for weeks/months. I felt everything was starting to fall apart. The person I saw in the mirror wasn’t me anymore – she was a thick girl. Some girls would have tried to loose weight, but I started to eat even more, because I was unhappy. I didn’t become thick, but I gained some weight. I became more sad, more depressed, more insecure. I don’t know I my parents noticed, but my “friends” didn’t!

What started as a joke, turned in to my biggest insecurity! To this day I am so insecure about my body and my weight. I know I’m not overweight – but I feel like it. For years I never wore tight clothes. And here I am on a diet, sitting with my water, carrot sticks, whole grain crackers and dried cranberries crying my eyes out, wishing I could go back in time and just have said something to them. Wishing my friends could see how it affected me.

So if you are out there, experiencing bullying or just some cruel jokes – tell them to stop! For your own self – for your fortune self!

 

Love,
Anna

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Married life

Look, I’m no expert, but I have been married for half a year nowas-bryllupsbilleder-097. Before I got married, I thought as soon as I got married, all of my problems would disappear… But no! I learned it the hard way. I always had the image of marriage as a problem-free-union. I knew that sometimes you would disagree, but I always thought it was mentally easy, but I have now learned it. It is defiantly not easy! Sometime it is, but not always.

My whole world turned upside down as soon as we got married. We had decided that we didn’t want to move in together before we got married. It was a good decision and I really cherish it. But sometimes
I think, maybe it would have been easier to have lived together before.

We have now beenas-fest-140 married for half a year and our journey has just begun. My life is sometimes a mess and I hurt my husband. Sometimes my husband is tired and expect me to
make dinner, but I have had a horrible day to. Sometimes he comes home tired and he hurts me. But despite all the hurting, we still stick together. We made a decision on August 6th 2016 that we would love each other no matter what, “in sickness and in health, until death do us part”. We stand by our decision, but it is not always easy.

So if you are out there, getting married or having the same thoughts as I did, be prepared! Marriage is not something to be taking lightly. It is a serious decision, so think it through.

Love
Anna

Christmas is coming

Christmas is finally coming! One of the best parts of the whole year is finally here! I have especially been looking forward to this Christmas this year. Last year I went to Gran Canaria over the holidays – that is something I would never do again. It didn’t feel like Christmas at all, and that is why I have rally been looking forward to Christmas this year.

Sitting in my “new” apartment, Pentatonix’s Christmas album playing on my computer, the only light coming from my lighted candles and my Christmas light garland, and I am deeply wishing that I felt like it was Christmas soon. But the feeling is not there. I have been trying so hard the last couple of days/weeks to get in “the holiday-spirit”, but nothing seems to work.

I have been so busy with work,  school and trying to balance everything in my life right now, that I have forgotten what Christmas is really about. Yes, Christmas is the most busiest time of the year – but why it that? Christmas should be about enjoying family and friends, celebrating that the little Jesus-boy was born over 2000 years ago, to later die for us to be able so live an eternal life!  It is like all Christmas is made by the shops to earn the extra money before the year is over. It kills the Christmas spirit! Everything is about getting the biggest and most expensive present of all.

When I was a child, my parents didn’t have that much money to buy my brothers and I presents. But I never compared my presents to my friends. I was so happy to get a barbie doll! Now a days people get disappointed if they “only” get an iPhone 6 and not and iPhone 6s. Where did the grateful children go?

I am so sick of the world being so materialistic! – I’m not saying that I’m not materialistic, because I am. But everything, for me, isn’t measured in how much money you have, how big your house is, how expensive your car is or if you have the newest iPhone. It is measured in how much you live your life. You don’t really live your life if you are sitting with your iPad playing Hearthstone, Candy Crush, Facebook or whatever you are doing in front of the screen. Get out of the house, play in the dirt or the snow, climb som trees, jump in the puddle, kick some leaves in the woods, hang out with your friends or your family. There are SO many things to do without sitting in front of a screen all day.

This post was supposed to be about Christmas, but I was inspired to write this instead. It is something I really have thought about a lot lately. So I just wanted to share my thought with you! I don’t know if I’m the only one, who have thought a lot about that. But I really hope that this has made you think a bit more about how to spend both your Christmas, but also your future.

Love
Anna

Being depressed

It is important for me that you don’t feel pity for me. All I want to is to give you a little glimpse of how it is to be depressed. If you are depressed I want you to know that you are NOT alone! There are a lot of people around the world in the same situation as you – including me…

Well three years ago I was diagnosed with a major depression, and had the choice between psychological help or Prozac. At the time I had just gotten back from 2 years at a boarding school, so everything was in a big chaos. (Just so you know, the depression didn’t start when I come home, I had had it for a long time, but the whole situation made everything worse. So it was at that time I went to the doctor).
Well, psychological help was the obvious choice. So over the next 4-5 months I went to a psychologist once a week, and it helped – I got over the depression. And I thought everything was great, until now. I have for two and a half years tried to suppressed all my feelings.

You might think that being depressed equals being suicidal, but no it doesn’t have to! The first time I was depressed I was, but now I have realized that suicide is never the solution! But the feeling is a hard one to describe. But the feeling of not being able to sleep, not being hungry, being restless. You have no energy to do the stuff you want to do, or you have to do. All I want to do at the moment is to be sitting in front of the television with my boyfriend watching movies all day. In the evening/at night all you wish for is to be able to sleep. I feel like a failure! Like having a depression for the first time wasn’t bad enough, I had to have one more….
The feeling that everything is too much… This week I have planed to go to a conference (Wednesday – Saturday), a couple of weeks ago I was really looking forward to it, but now, I REALLY DON’T want to go!

There are SO many feelings and so many thoughts inside – no peace, no peace to sleep… It is so tiring…

First post

Silhouette of hiking man in mountain

I though long and hard about what the first thing I would write on my blog would be. And I couldn’t find a thing to start this adventure with. Therefore here comes an inspirational quote:

“I choose to be unstoppable.
I am bigger than my concerns and worries.
The strength of others inspire me daily.
I focus on my goal.
I trust my intuition and live a courageous life”