Well this is the story of who I am and what I’ve been through. As a young kid I wasn’t the prettiest, I wasn’t the smartest, I wasn’t the MOST popular, but I was definitely among them. I was a smart, insecure and liked girl in my class. As maybe a lot of you know, often it is the prettiest who is the most popular! I was the sidekick, the DUFF (Designated Ugly Fat Friend – I was not fat though).
Well I started at the school (I moved from another school) in 2004, and I was excited! The first school I went to wasn’t the best – I was bullied to: told my freckles wasn’t pretty, wasn’t allowed to play with some of the others from my class, every time we played on bikes – I had to be the one who was driving them. I never felt like I was accepted – as other than the DUFF (which I just realized… wauw….).
So I moved to another school – in hope of finding actual friends. I remember the first day. I was excited, yet very nervous! Everything was different, new. Walking in to the classroom after summerbreak, I was shaking. What if nothing here was different? What if it is just like the other school? What if there is something wrong with me?
But i walked into the classroom, was told to stand up and introduce myself. So I stood up, shaking, and said: “Hey, my names is Anna, and I am 9 years old”. And then I quickly sat down again. It felt like I had to stand up for hours, everyones eyes was looking right at me. I was happy to se some familiar faces, but I din’t know them that well.
The first week was good, I remember I became very good friends with a girl from my class, we really had a blast. But then the first week was over, and her best friend came back from vacation – and I was alone! All alone at a new school… It is still hard for me to write/talk about (sitting her with tears in my eyes, still feeling the same things 9-year old me was feeling). I was terrified! I can’t really remember that much from the following 2 years – except I wasn’t happy, I had no friends.
2 years had past and a friend of mine started in my class – I was so happy, to finally have a friend. I really thought everything would be great! And don’t get me wrong it was…. a couple of months. And then she found other friends.
But it was thees couple of months, that changes the way I look at myself and who I am.
She moved to Denmark from Asia, and we started to hang out – bake cakes, jump on the trampoline and so on. In school she and I hung out with 2 guys. We had so much fun, until a joke went to far.
I don’t remember how it started, but the they started saying I was fat, everything the would walk past me, they would walk 2 meters beside me, throwing themself into the wall – because I was so fat. I wasn’t fat, I was thin – but something changed inside of me. I they had just told the joke ones – I could have handled it. But I went on for weeks/months. I felt everything was starting to fall apart. The person I saw in the mirror wasn’t me anymore – she was a thick girl. Some girls would have tried to loose weight, but I started to eat even more, because I was unhappy. I didn’t become thick, but I gained some weight. I became more sad, more depressed, more insecure. I don’t know I my parents noticed, but my “friends” didn’t!
What started as a joke, turned in to my biggest insecurity! To this day I am so insecure about my body and my weight. I know I’m not overweight – but I feel like it. For years I never wore tight clothes. And here I am on a diet, sitting with my water, carrot sticks, whole grain crackers and dried cranberries crying my eyes out, wishing I could go back in time and just have said something to them. Wishing my friends could see how it affected me.
So if you are out there, experiencing bullying or just some cruel jokes – tell them to stop! For your own self – for your fortune self!