Being depressed

It is important for me that you don’t feel pity for me. All I want to is to give you a little glimpse of how it is to be depressed. If you are depressed I want you to know that you are NOT alone! There are a lot of people around the world in the same situation as you – including me…

Well three years ago I was diagnosed with a major depression, and had the choice between psychological help or Prozac. At the time I had just gotten back from 2 years at a boarding school, so everything was in a big chaos. (Just so you know, the depression didn’t start when I come home, I had had it for a long time, but the whole situation made everything worse. So it was at that time I went to the doctor).
Well, psychological help was the obvious choice. So over the next 4-5 months I went to a psychologist once a week, and it helped – I got over the depression. And I thought everything was great, until now. I have for two and a half years tried to suppressed all my feelings.

You might think that being depressed equals being suicidal, but no it doesn’t have to! The first time I was depressed I was, but now I have realized that suicide is never the solution! But the feeling is a hard one to describe. But the feeling of not being able to sleep, not being hungry, being restless. You have no energy to do the stuff you want to do, or you have to do. All I want to do at the moment is to be sitting in front of the television with my boyfriend watching movies all day. In the evening/at night all you wish for is to be able to sleep. I feel like a failure! Like having a depression for the first time wasn’t bad enough, I had to have one more….
The feeling that everything is too much… This week I have planed to go to a conference (Wednesday – Saturday), a couple of weeks ago I was really looking forward to it, but now, I REALLY DON’T want to go!

There are SO many feelings and so many thoughts inside – no peace, no peace to sleep… It is so tiring…